My Maid, My Madam

I remember the first maid I employed. Her name is N. I just had a baby and resumed work from maternity leave. I wanted someone that was at least 21 years old, could speak English and was experienced with children. I usually shopped in bulk, cooked once a week and wanted someone who could keep the house clean and mind the baby when I needed to get some sleep.

She was to get him ready in the mornings. I worked on the other side of town and had to leave the house a little earlier to drop him off at the crèche. People asked what she did all day if I took the baby to the crèche. I prefer crèches really, because the children had at least 2 minders per section. There were 3 sections on their floor. There were other employees at the crèche – kindergarten teachers and generally an average of 12-15 staff available daily. He would interact with other children and I was assured in the case of an emergency they would take him to the hospital and call me on their way there.

N loved to watch TV and would get so carried away watching home videos she wouldn’t notice him crawl towards the TV wires even though he was in her line of sight. What is the fixation on African Magic I have often wondered? Not just her but with a lot of women?. N reacted to all the scenes. She would laugh, clap, snap fingers and bite her nails. She would duck when the police shot at fleeing robbers, peep through fingers at a gory accident scene, scream, ‘Good for you!’, at Patience Ozokwor when her jazz backfired and then her usual ‘Aunty sorry’ when I give her the dirty eye.

You see, we lived in a bungalow behind our landlord’s massive duplex. He switched us to the PHCN prepaid meter after almost 6 months of free electricity supply, that meter business was new to me. I often forgot to check it and considering the only PHCN office I could top up the card from was open only weekdays during work hours, I was very mindful of the card usage. It had never made sense to me to leave lights on in rooms if you are not there, in fact, it still doesn’t. N didn’t seem to care. Initially, I instructed her to turn off lights in rooms not in use, then I explained why the lights should be turned off, then I threatened. . . Nothing worked.

One day I came home after work and as I drove into our space, I noticed the lights suddenly went off in the back rooms. Hmm. My first instinct was to yell at her but that would only worsen the headache I had from thinking about my target on the drive home – I was a bank marketer. This continued off and on for another week or so. I would come back from work, walk into the house, ALL the lights on. Then she would mutter, ‘Aunty, sorry I forgot’. Was that a smirk I saw on her face?? I kept my cool but I was miffed.

A week passed and still no difference. I called her and told her it seemed it didn’t matter to her that I was now paying almost thrice the amount for the cards. It didn’t matter to her because I had noticed twice in the previous week she quickly turned the lights off as I drove in. I told her from then on she had my permission to do as she pleased. She was allowed to turn on every single light bulb in the house. I didn’t care as long as it made her happy. She gave me that suspicious my aunty has gone mad look. I reminded her that no matter how much I complained, on the 30th of the month she would receive a credit alert in her FBN account. So this was the deal – going forward, any money spent over the monthly budgeted amount for PHCN prepaid cards would first be taken out of her salary, then the balance would be paid to her. So the ball was in her court, I wasn’t going to speak about it anymore.

It was about past 7pm when I drove into our mini estate the next day, target on my mind yet again, PHCN was kind to us, I was grateful. I’d watch Tinsel and sleep with the AC on without the noise from the generator.  I drove into the compound, past the Landlord’s house, to the back… and PITCH BLACK!!!

I was livid. Ayo, the Electrician fixed the third phase for us earlier in the week, or so he said. My husband had paid him to tap from Landlord’s house (of course without his knowledge, AY was loyal to us. He told us he could do it and assured us it would not affect Landlord’s power supply neither will the cost be borne by him). It was night already, he lived too far away to make the trip. Besides, what would he even be able to do so late? N opened the door to take my toddler and his things out of the car, I walked in after them. And the lights come on. “They have brought light, oh thank God”, I exclaimed with relief. ‘No Aunty, there’s been light since morning.’ ‘So why is everywhere dark?’ She just stared.

I laughed. ‘A-ha, you want your complete salary? I think say you no dey fear!’

Kech

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